Knock Knock Knock…Come in Fool
Edmund Amidon, Ph.D. was a professor at Temple University in Philadelphia. He was Chairman of a psychological graduate department, one of the first group education departments in the United States.
Over the years, Edmund or “Ted” as we referred to him served as teacher, father, counselor, and most of al,l personal friend.
Ted was a quirky person, so unusual and unprofessorial or so it seemed. Yet when academic questions had to be answered, research problems had to be solved, or groups had to be facilitated, there was no one more skilled.
Ted was an imposing figure. He stood over six feet tall with silver-white hair, fringy at his forehead and at the nape of his neck. He dressed in a white short sleeve dress shirt, white pants and comfortable rubber soled shoes. He had a mustache and goatee. He gave the impression of a great and powerful leader.
I first met Ted when I was registered for a class called “Introduction to Group Processes.” It was described in the graduate catalogue as a “T-Group.” Neither I nor the rest of the students knew what we were going to experience.
We entered and were seated at desks arranged in a circle. None of us had ever attended a class set up this way. We awaited the arrival of the professor the mandatory 20 minutes. At 19 minutes past the hour Ted entered the room. He first surveyed the room, then moved a desk into the circle.
There was silence for a few minutes, that seemed much longer. Then Ted spoke:
“Welcome to Educational Psychology 513. This class is about 3 hours each week, during which our task will be to become a Group. There are some written requirements, but mostly the class will be about becoming a group. I as the Professor will probably speak less than the most talkative group member and perhaps more than the quietest group member.”
These were the only words Ted spoke for the remainder of the session. Glancing around the room, he showed no facial expressions. He just sat there, a big bearded man in white…God, or a god and like God offering no direction to his children.
For 7 weeks we struggled to become a functioning group, whatever that might be, with little input from Ted other than brief statements describing his observations of what we were doing.
At the start of week 8 a rumor spread that Ted had shaved off his mustache and beard. Again he arrived late and sure enough he was clean-shaven, but still white headed. Suddenly he was more accessible, and softer, less god and more father. He even smiled from time to time. Though he provided no more information than usual, the group flourished under his softer, more approachable leadership.
That first group experience began my and many others’ experience in a psychology program. Sometime during the life of the group, the Educational Psychology Department split into two separate departments. Educational Psychology concentrated on research and theoretical subjects, and the other department on practical psychology methods, how to make things happen in groups.
This department was called Psycho-educational Processes, known forever after as The PEP Department.
That separation began an academic adventure filled with new philosophies, creativity and whole new ways of using psychology in relationships. Ted Amidon became the personification of everything that PEP stood for. All of the faculty members in the PEP department chose to do something different in behavioral psychology to affect teaching, organizational training and consulting, and the building and maintaining of successful human relationships.
Each faculty member had his or her cadre of graduate students, those interested in the work of that professor. I and many others chose to work with Ted, His work had started with Teacher Behavior, but had moved into the areas of Group and specifically Intimate Relationships with couples and with families and friends.
Enough of an introduction to the academic part of PEP.
Beyond Ted’s teaching and advising duties, he was a personal advisor and friend. He taught about relationships, and he advised his students on personal issues too. He was the best of counselors. He was not a trained psychotherapist, but he had skill in listening and empathic self-disclosure that was incomparable. He had a focused sense of humor that offered lighter perspectives to his students’ academic and personal problems, as these issues so frequently overlapped.
Ted invited his students to be open and candid about all aspects of their life. He was able to help them to work through the combined maze that promoted completion of one’s graduate work and still function in personal life. His method was simple. He modeled the behavior that he encouraged his students to practice. He shared his own life experiences with drama and humor, and discussed the results in his own life related to the experiences of his students.
Ted had amazing insight into the human condition. One of his favorite strategies was to create “Fool Tapes” related to his students’ specific problems, those problems that were getting in the way of their life academically as well as personally. Many of us had cassette recordings that he would create on the spot in our office meetings. We could take them with us and listen to them again at home. We laughed, and perhaps cried as we heard his dramatization of our issues in a humorous, yet provocative expression.
Many students over the years were lucky to have learned about them selves from Ted’s “Fool Tapes.” The years since graduate school have made the tapes disappear, but so many of us remember them with nostalgia and love for Ted’s ingenius way of helping us get through graduate school.
Ted Amidon died August, 2015. He is deeply missed by the students and friends whose lives he affected. I recently moved to a new home, and searched through many boxes of books and files for any fool tapes. I completed my graduate work nearly fifty years ago, but so fortunately have maintained a close personal relationship with Ted. When he passed away, my first thought was to find any “Fool Tapes” I might still have.
I emptied all of my boxes, bit found none. Over the many moves over many years, they had been discarded as blank cassettes with no labels to identify them I guess.
A few weeks ago, I was looking through a pile of CDs I had made years ago, and found one labeled “Family Interviews.” Curious about what was recorded, I sat one evening and listened to a family discussion with my father’s cousins from New York. The descriptions of life in the family during the 1930s and 40s was hysterical and fascinating. Descriptions of my father, who died before my 8th birthday made him real to me, and I cried.
Following the discussion, the recording continued with some recorded music for a few minutes, then blank space. Then a miracle…
An exaggerated deep voice said: in answer to Knock, Knock, Knock “Come in fool…”
I had found a “Fool Tape.”
Not just any “Fool Tape,” but one so meaningful now that Ted is gone.
Ted portrayed both characters in his brief scenarios. “Sir” spoke as a fatherly, deep-voiced Authority, and “Fool” spoke in a falsetto, frightened voice of a helpless child.
“ Knock, Knock, Knock…
Sir: Come in fool.
Fool: Oh thank you sir…oh sir my life is all coming together sir, problems rushing here and there.
Sir: What do you mean fool?
Fool: But sir, I hardly know where to start. You see, first of all, I’m getting older.
Sir: You are…
Fool: Yes sir, I’m not a child any more. I’ve always thought of myself as a kind of care-fee child with humor. Oh…fun loving …fun loving fool they call me sir.
Sir: I know fool. I knew that someday you’d grow out of that, and I’m glad to see you’re moving ahead with that one.
Fool: Oh yes sir, and the only problem is I find it hard to take my new found competency in stride sir.
Sir: What do you mean?
Fool: Well sir, now that I have my doctor’s degree, sir, I’m almost equal to you sir.
Sir: Well fool, I have years of wisdom besides.
Fool: I know sir. I appreciate your wisdom. But sir I don’t know what I’m going to do about my new-found competency.
Sir: Fool, you must accept it. You must learn to live with it , and move forward. You must take an experimental attitude toward life. Try to do two things. Expand your personality. Try to become flexible. Try to develop new techniques and skills even though you may have reached the top of your degree ladder, fool, life is still a learning tank.
Fool: Oh sir…what a wonderful concept…what a wonderful concept, a learning tank is what I…Oh sir, I can use that in my work. Think about it…oh sir. I’m willing to try sir, to meet your expectations of me.
Sir: Well that won’t be hard fool. I don’t really have any.
Fool: Oh sir…what do you mean by that sir?
Sir: What I mean fool is…if I had expectations, I know perfectly well that sometimes I’ll be disappointed. I don’t want to be disappointed.
Fool: Thank you sir. Now sir I just have a few specific problems I’d like to ask you about.
Sir: Go ahead fool.
Fool: Oh sir, what am I going to do about my girlfriends? I feel I can ask you…I can ask you for…I’ve never asked you for any advice about my sex life before sir, but I thought I’d let you take a look at it.
Sir: Go ahead fool. Tell me what you want.
Fool: Well sir…the issue sir…the issue of sex doesn’t bother me.
Sir: Well that’s good.
Fool: No sir, I feel that I am adequately sexed.
Sir: Good.
Fool: But sir, I’m worried about other things related to sex.
Sir: What’s that?
Fool: Well sir, I’m really worried about commitment, sir.
Sir: Well fool we’re all worried about commitment. I don’t think there’s a whole lot we can do about it.
Fool: Well sir, I don’t know whether I can do it or can’t do it sir. What do I do?
Sir: Fool…I think what you ought to do is to get into some commitment practice.
Fool: Oh sir, do you have an exercise?
Sir: Yes.
Fool: Sir, what do I do?
Sir: Well first thing you do is find yourself a commitment person. Get this person together and keep her in a room for a long time, a couple of days, maybe a week, two weeks, a month. As long as you can stand it. Commit yourself not to leave.
Fool: Oh sir, do you think that will work?
Sir: Well…it didn’t work for anybody before, but you’ve got your degree now, and maybe it will work for you.
Fool: Oh sir, thank you. Well sir there’s one more thing I would like to ask you, sir. Um…Now that I have my degree, and I am self whatchacallit… sufficient, what do you think? Should I stop coming to see you?
Sir: Yes…don’t come to see me anymore, fool. You’re on your own.
Fool: Oh sir…this is good-bye?
Sir: Yes fool…this is good-bye. No more fool. No more sir.
Fool: Oh sir…I’ll weep a little. I’ll weep a little about this, sir.
Sir: Fool…remember, only the strong weep a little.
Fool: Oh thank you sir. You’re the wise one.
Sir: Right. OK, now end it.
Fool: Ok sir…I’ll just leave. Good-bye sir.
Sir: Bye fool.”
The door clicks closed.
Sir is gone. Fool is gone.
Ted is gone.
Good-bye Ted…Farewell. I’ll miss you, and so will we all.